A pervert is loose in Neath.

6 weeks ago a friend that I sometimes meet in the morning in a local cafe had started “touching me inappropriately”. I have “expressed my displeasure” and he says “aw come on it is only a joke” to which I say words to the effect that I do not find it funny and would he stop. He always finds an opportunity to reach over and touch my testicles whilst winking at me, but not every visit. I as a 60 year old ex professional heterosexual man have NEVER EVER been in this situation before, apart from a few early “public school” moments which always ended up in a fight and a visit to the House master.

Strangely this man is also the one that escorted me to my GP in November 2009 as he was worried about the way I was talking.

It came to a head last Thursday when I angrily told him to “effin” stop when I managed for once, to avoid his wandering hands. I have to be careful, I think, how I react as with my past history I will probably be sectioned or at least incarcerated if the police are called. BY past history I mean my iatrogenic psychiatric history. I stormed out of the cafe and on my return later to retrieve my shopping he, another friend and 2 others, were having a cigarette outside and I heard comments shouted at me like “he likes it up the arse etc etc”. I just, somehow, went home.

I “broached the subject” with the 2nd friend on Sat morning to be told that he too thought it was a joke and said “if we can’t have a wind up” I sadly exploded and tried to point out the moment when fun stops and assault starts. In MY EX-profession touching a patient inappropriately would be interpreted as assault and I have ALWAYS been careful to be professional. The papers always vilify professionals who “assault” patients in a sexual manner and here it was happening to me.

I now understand how women feel with “untoward” attentions from pervies as I haven’t been raped but have got as close as I ever want to be and from one of the close circle of friends I have left.

Usually I spend 2 hours in a cafe in the morning with a gang of retired men, the majority of whom are “normal” even tho’ we are known as “The last of the Summer Wine” as we just have harmless fun, we are welcomed by the owner and his staff each time we turn up. This “man” was an occasional attendee. 

I do not know whether to go to the police or just to let it ride and stop going to the cafe in the morning and thus speak to no one in the day.

Thank you for reading.

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4 Responses to “A pervert is loose in Neath.”

  1. Mandy Says:

    Then the police force isn’t much different to any other public sector service!!!! Back to the hierarchies and ‘packs.

    Alyn could always stick something really sharp (knife or scissors) in the man’s goolies and claim diminished responsiblities…problem is diminished responsibilities is one way traffic…as in the powers that be automatcially think they can think for people and make decisions about people with MH problems (because to them we are fekk wits) but when it comes to acts of self defense…that is another story. Hence ever growing statistics of people with MH problems in prison. Not that they all retaliated to perversion but there is no room at the inn (acute care units) ..care in the community is non existant and nobody gives a shite.

    We are all doomed, I say, doomed and the home guard did a runner many years ago!

  2. anon Says:

    This is just shite, Alyn – name and shame the pervy bastard.

    btw, Mandy, the police couldn’t give a toss about sexual and other harassment. I know a psychologist, a doctor, who makes her entire living out of treating police officers who’ve got PTSD from being harassed in every way possible by other police officers

  3. Mandy Says:

    P.S. I think I inadvertantly made up a new word…instead of ‘person’ I wrote ‘atrson’ which sounds more like a new kind of medication or cleaning fluid. One hell of a Freudian slip there. Ooopsie :>)

  4. Mandy Says:

    First and foremost we are humans. Okay some people might think it is less offensive to ‘touch men in inappropriate places’ than women…that there is something more macho about men and they can take it..or that men are less inclined to be harrassed by such behaviour. Well, my view is that inappropriate touching is inappropriate full stop…whatever sex the atrson happens to be.

    If someone did that to me…I would freak out (not just because of dodgey past experience) but because it is infringing on my very personal space and is out of bounds unless I specifically want or choose it to be in bounds.

    I also think it is sexual harrassment and the fact that the person is continuing to do it, after being asked not to……makes it an even more clear cut case (one hopes) in the eyes of the law that the sexual harrassment needs stopping.

    I hope it is not just because I am a woman that I would be seeking the support of the police, if someone did that to me (certainly on more than one occasion). If it was a friend who was crossing the line, maybe, the first time I would (having freaked out) be saying that upset me and was inappropriate….and then would hope they would take on board what I said and stop. If not..deffo would seek police involvement…although I would also be avoiding that person. If you can’t trust them to stop doing things that are sexually offensive then what kind of friend are they???

    Is sad that you are having to think about avoiding a place you go to regularly because of someone else’s inappropriate behaviour. It is tricky that…the dilimma of telling the owner (and other peopel you might know there) what the problem is. Do you not, for fear of them thinking you are causing trouble or worse blaming you (depending on how much they know about your MH problems).

    I, due to my own experiences, have stopped going certain places before because of the ‘pack’ element. If you aren’t a key player of a clique, you are easily seen as the perpetrator of any ‘issues’ even if they were actually started by someone else. I can’t be doing with dealing with that kind of mentality any more. …too many migraines…not enough justice.

    Such decisions have to be personal ones cos you can never really rely on anyone else for back up…except, again hopefully, the police when laws are broken.

    Sorry to read that you are having such a rough time of it. Relationships…how quickly they can become nightmares…and I am talking about all kinds of relationships.

    Fingers crossed here, it gets resolved and to your satisfaction :>)

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