Wot a day

On Tuesday I went to the Orthopaedic Clinic having been referred there by an unknown GP (Yes it was them) Dated 8 days AFTER Gama threw me out and YES there IS A PROBLEM WITH MY RIGHT THUMB. I await an MRI scan. ALMOST THREE F*CKING YEARS I HAVE WAITED ASKING CASTLE SURGERY many MANY times and being DENIED treatment receiving only insults. (4th angiogram was May21st 2007 and I have had EXTREME pain in my right thumb EVER SINCE, I forget how many times I have fkn asked about it, best answer was Dr A L*lley saying “that I don’t understand” and it could be hereditary)

Then on Saturday I met 4 old patients who made a point of saying they wanted me back as their dentist. The first repeated a story about one visit and as I tried to stop him he said “c’mon Al we loved you” and gave me a “man-hug” but that started me crying. So he dragged me for a pint and so I met 3 more. After the initial chat about missing me etc they asked what happened to me. SO I told them and I told them of my 2 suicide attempts, I told them everything in about 5 minutes and I told them what the NHS had said about ME and how Dr John is High Sheriff and what my sister did. She was the doctor to 3 of them when she worked and their reaction was one of astonishment (very polite description) and they all agreed that it looks like I was INTENTIONALLY DESTROYED.

I went home and do not remember too much of the day BUT I was awake most of the night going why the hell is it me? I’m trying to write a letter to someone who will listen, a short letter. At the moment it is about 3 A4 sheets. Trying to explain what it is like to be me knowing that I lost my career for no fuckin’ reason and even my fkn sister sat and watched. Tossing and turning, radio on, radio off, shouting for help and crying. Also angry in that I could say it in 5 minutes as I could show the lack of pulses, swollen ball of right thumb etc but I can’t write it.

SO I got up early on Sunday, and whilst making a coffee I finished of a small bag of peanuts and felt a strange hard lump, OW CRAP …. a  filling, I had done in my first term reading Dentistry, as an exam case in Dental Finals, had fallen out. No pain just a bloody sharp. 7.00 am! I looked for the temporary cement I thought I had, going “if I was working etc etc ” So my coffee went cold and I decided to microwave it up to speed and pressed the quick (30secs) button,

My microwave decided that instead of 30 seconds to reheat my coffee, it would carry on until the cup exploded. I was upstairs searching and heard a BANG, I was too busy throwing things around that I didn’t notice “no bell” and I had also forgotten about the coffee. (Microwave works after a clean)

SOO after another cup of coffee I started to hoover and the bloody thing didn’t pick anything up. Discovered the tube from the brush area  to receptacle was blocked with cat fur. That took an hour and with dust bloody everywhere. STILL only 9.00am. SOO I thought do some vocal practice.

BUT, Music Computer One’s motherboard needs replacing and is in the shop (Cheers Dai )So out comes the trusty spare and BANG as AVG free was updating I got a bloody virus and now THAT computer wont start.

SOO I thought see how long I play my guitar, but I couldn’t concentrate cos I was struggling to play and it was starting to get me angry. But it was 10.00 and Boots the Chemist was now  open so off for some temporary cement …. Home …. tooth filled …. now what to do. SO I tried to repair/restart the computer but my knowledge is a bit lacking SOO wait for Dai, hopefully soon.

THEN I STARTED THINKING nobody cares.No one to talk to. I NEED HELP NOW.


I have had enough again and Sunday night was just as bad, I woke this morning, Monday, tied up in my duvet at 3.00am. 1st thing I did was CRY.


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