Here we go again,

I have nothing to look forward to and nothing I can look back to and say” damn that was good” All I can do is think back to June 11th 1998 and what would have happened if I had said “I won’t go, so section me”.

One word describes my life: FAILURE.

At the same time I was loosing my family, I lost my business and I then I was financially penalised, in the divorce, based on practice accounts when I was working 6 days a week, 48 weeks a year as a NHS dentist.

I lost my business because I was hospitalised, suddenly and told my practice would be under Health Authority control. However this DID not happen and my practice lost ALL its patients and I was forced to sell it at an enormous loss, incurring a large debt for life. I fought bankruptcy immediately on my release. I was heavily medicated which made it impossible to do anything as I used to. I felt like I was permanently and heavily sedated.

People say to me “it’s only money, get on with your life” Some say “I too have lost a lot of money” then “its only money” etc. An ex- patient said the 1st comment to me on Saturday and another said the second to me a week ago. I gave them the same reply, in essence.

Both also said I was the best dentist they had ever had and that they missed me as their dentist.

11 years later.


You both have money saved and are living a comfortable life not having to budget heavily just to survive. I can’t afford luxuries like holidays, a reasonably new car etc like I used to when I was a dentist. You have worked to  achieve that comfortable position ALL YOUR LIVES. As I did BUT at a time when I was stressed and, shall we say, needing support Dr John destroyed the only lifeline I had. My career and therefore the reason we met.

Do you want me to tell you the HELL I am STILL going through just because I trusted a doctor that day and despite the PROOF that he lied and destroyed my life and then he lied to cover up his tracks in order to influence the decision of the NHS Complaint in his favour.

The whole of the reason for 40+ years of my past life has been destroyed. I went to University to read dentistry in 1967. ALL MY  MEMORIES for 40 years are linked to dentistry BUT because of Dr John, of Briton Ferry Health Centre retiring me AND therefore removing me from the dental register on June 12th 1998 I can’t even go back to work because I would have to retrain and then move because I wouldn’t work for those charlatans in the Welsh NHS.

All I have left from my dental career is a £500 pcm Debt which I CAN NEVER EVER CLEAR. I would be financially naive to believe interest rates will stay this low for ever. I worked hard as a NHS dentist and believed in the NHS for all its faults. I did not expect thanks on my retirement but I certainly did not expect THIS.

If I had made professional or financial errors and had gone bankrupt or had to sell to stay afloat and move on then I could NOW look back and say “FUCK not doing THAT again” and learn a valuable lesson.

BUT NO that man CAUSED my TOTAL financial and mental destruction. ALL OUT OF my control and YOU SAY its only money. ITS THE WHOLE OF MY DAMNED LIFE that has gone. I was a highly skilled saught after man, A  DENTIST for Christ sake!

NOW I can have NO memories as all lead to dentistry. I did my O’ Levels at 14 and THEY were geared towards a “medical career” I was at Public School and thus was destined for a good career unless I decided otherwise. BUT Dr RB John decided for me AND he didn’t even tell me what he was fucking doing with the rest of my life and then  ALMOST DENIED he had anything to do with the result.

O.K. I did make a dreadful mistake that was the butterfly in the Butterfly Effect that became my life.

I trusted a doctor with my life, THAT was the mistake. I believed a doctor would do ALL in his professional skills as part of his treatment to “cure” my illness. I do not deny that times were “stressful” to say the least BUT I HAD an escape route planned of which he knew little Should he have not informed me of my impending hospitalisation. He never said that was to happen in the Medical Opinion.

The bank and I had reached an amicable arrangement and were at last helping me speed up the very slow Insurance payments but I had to be in contact EVERY OTHER DAY, the next being the following Friday 12th June, I suppose lunchtime. But by then I was in my pyjamas following an “intrusive” medical examination and on my second lot of drugs in Heath House Bristol, where I’d stay for the next 6 weeks. Having been told that my practice would be under health authority control at the same time. This did not happen causing the bank to foreclose etc.

I was writing a Pantomime/Play with 2 other friends for the local pub’s anniversary on the 12th August. It was my idea and I was the musical director as well. A rehearsal was planned for THAT afternoon, 11th June” 3 hours AFTER being told I was SO MAD/ILL I HAD to be in hospital the next day. I lost control of the play.

I had joined a rock group, no drummer as yet, and were practicing in my front room. We ALL composed and were multi instrumentalists and were discovering that we “gelled” as a band unbelievably well. We were turning 2 rooms of my house into our recording studio, slowly. My medication and the problems on release caused me to fight them and leave. continues the story.

Now due to circumstances in that butterfly effect I could loose my house as I may have to sell it just to survive. Just a piece of stability in my life is not much to ask for is it? Considering the cause. Give me back my house and I can just about survive. Give me just and true compensation for the past and future losses so incurred and true justice will be seen to be done. Give me nothing and I die.

I have nothing to look forward to and nothing I can look back to and say” damn that was good” All I can do is think back to June 11th 1998 and what would have happened if I had said “I won’t go, so section me”.

One word describes my life: FAILURE.

What do I do? Why did he take over my life? What fucking right did he have and why is he found to be exemplary and I am told to move on?

Does that explain how I feel tonight 22 July 2009? ELEVEN years later.

discarded paragraphs


and then my sister…………. BUT NO I do not BLAME her for causing all this but SHE started the cover up almost as SOON as I was in fucking hospital: a) for not even asking Dr John what was wrong with me and so on: b) saying she would not interfere and that he meant well when I asked for help from her.

Go on the calendar on the right and go to say March 2008 and flip through the posts and notice the change from April 2009. Thanks to Dr Gwen Kahan. Notice the increasing presence of swear words as I thought I would try to write as I think. I apologise to Dr Gama for my words BUT I use them to vent my feelings in order that I may approach him calmly. I have told him that I respect him and I do not lie. He is STILL the best doctor in Castle Surgery but practice loyalty comes into play. In a small way he is similar to my sister in his misguided sense of loyalty, in my opinion.

AND when for what ever reason I get sent to the psychiatric units by my GP’s after varying lengths of “treatment” I ALWAYS am told that there is NOTHING THEY CAN DO for what ever reason. And then I get sent again and again by the GP’s. SIX appointments in the last 15 months with one emergency appointment for SUICIDE in the middle. AND yet I am told THERE IS NO DIAGNOSIS but I won’t accept treatment, again. Treatment for what? I have been told there IS no diagnosis of ANY illness.

No one has ACTUALLY listened to me to discover why I am in the state I am

People have IGNORED me and have tried to provide treatment for the mental illness made up by Dr John. But I have NO diagnosis of ANY illness to warrant hospitalisation according to the NHS complaint.

Whenever I get referred the psychiatrists  they look at the notes, see I have been before so try to offer me the same drugs again, I ask what is wrong with me and off we go again. I will never refuse a first appointment, the referral appointment, and WILL always make the follow up if requested to show my wish to get better.

REMEMBER I LOST MY CAREER THROUGH ACCEPTING TREATMENT BASED ON WHAT HAS NOW BEEN SHOWN TO BE A LIE.  I accepted treatment BELIEVING a doctor would NEVER lie. The Harold Shipman case did not fully explode until late 1998 AFTER my hospitalisation coincidentally at the same time my trust in fucking doctors evaporated. Hence Dr RB John’s one time persona as Dai Sheepman.

I cant keep on doing this and I now cant play my guitar and piano.

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