I tried to kill myself last night

WOW what a night, I woke at 4.00, turned the radio on and fell back to sleep immediately straight into a nightmare. In it I was trying to explain exactly what I had lost to people I knew, whilst in my house.

The house was full and my sister was there, my fkn brother in law was there, patients were there. (In fact some of the patients I recognised were the ones I saw yesterday in town. Ones that said they missed me etc etc..)

I was explaining about all the stuff my sister gave to her friends without consulting me and the atmosphere got SOO bad that I was throwing things round the kitchen, and I crawled into a cupboard with a carving knife and somehow forced myself awake with my screaming, crying and shouting.

I woke in a sweat, wondering where I was. I was crying uncontrollably. I have just discovered that the Duvet cover is ripped almost in two, the bottom fitted sheet was scrumpled under my pillow.

Once I had realised I was safe and back in reality I went downstairs to make a coffee and there in front of me was the carving knife from my dream, kitchen cupboards were wide open and the dustbin was tipped over and the rubbish ALL over the floor.

I burst into tears again. OH SHIT I WANT TO DIE.

Had I sleep walked?

THANKS Dr RB John for TOTALLY FUCKING my life up with your lies

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One Response to “I tried to kill myself last night”

  1. Mandy Says:

    Am glad you are still here :>)

    Dreams can really send us…to even worse places than we are already.

    I had a dream that Stephen Fry came and got in my bed, the other night. Bizarre. Not just because he is gay but because I am not much of a Stephen Fry fan but the psyche is a funny old thing and as my mate reminds me (when I am viewing dreams as something from another realm) that all the characters we dream about are representations of ourselves. When it got the the part (in the dream) where I was on a beach staring out at a tide that wasn’t there….I gave up on trying to suss it out..and put it down to me being plain weird.

    My best dream ever was years ago. I was driving round a car park in a Beetle and then suddenly it took off into the air. The elation I felt was amazing (even for a dream). Hope you get one of them kinda dreams soon.

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