Just 4 weeks left ** ***

I have changed the title because reading that scares me and depresses me because I really don’t want to die.

I want to live, I want the pain to go. I want to know why ALL this was allowed to happen and why I cannot get answers.

I feel numb. I can’t do anything constructive. I  think I am supposed to contact the surgery BUT I do not wish to as the last time I went to ask about the thumb I was strongly told that “I do not understand” Told in a way that teachers used to say the same to me when I was caught doing something. A question that requires no answer cos if you DO answer you get in more shit. I have had enough of that, NABATO Doctor KNOWS how I feel cos I told him and he has done nothing,

They have turned me into the “boy that cried wolf” cept the wolf EXISTS. In my case Dr Dai Sheepman

The moral is stated at the end of the fable as :Even when liars tell the truth, they are never believed. The liar will lie once, twice, and then perish when he tells the truth.

Except  I TELL THE TRUTH THEY AND THEY ignore what I say,  telling me to move on etc, SO when I die they may say that I WAS CORRECT BUT THAT would be a bit fkn late and Dr Sheepman has escaped again.

They are “murdering “me BY intentionally ignoring me AND knowing that by so doing  I will kill myself. (god that sounds awful)

Murder is the unlawful killing of another human person with intent or malice aforethought, as defined in Common Law countries. Murder is generally distinguished from other forms of homicide by the elements of malice, aforethought, and the lack of lawful justification. All jurisdictions, ancient and modern, consider it a most serious crime and therefore impose severe penalty on its commission.


From an article on stalking:

Stalking exists in many forms. Victims may or may not be aware that it is happening, and the perpetrators may or may not have malicious intent. Stalkers may even have a sincere but misguided belief that their victims love them, or have a desire to help the victims, which SHOULD be the responsibility of my GP, BUT in my case IS definitely not true.

Stalkers will often denigrate and objectify their victims. This can help stalkers to abuse their victims without experiencing empathy, and may reflect or fuel a belief that they are entitled to behave as they please toward the victims. Viewing victims as “lesser,” “weak” or otherwise seriously flawed can support delusions that the victims need to be rescued, or punished, by the stalkers.

Stalkers may slander or defame the character of their victims which may isolate the victims and give the stalkers more control or a feeling of power.

Stalkers may use manipulative behaviour such as bringing legal action against their victims, refusing me medical treatment???.

They may also attempt to diagnose victims with false mental illnesses. Medical Opinion and Compliment slip.

Stalkers may even threaten to commit suicide in order to coerce victims to intervene – all methods of forcing victims to have contact with the stalkers. Interesting because the Doctors now have forced me to contact them re MY SUICIDAL thoughts and yet if I do they will just tell me to move on as there is nothing they will do. I am just repeating what they say to me when THEY bring up Dr Dai Sheepman.

Stalkers may use threats and violence to frighten their victims. They may engage in vandalism and property damage. They may use physical attacks that are mostly meant to frighten. Less common are sexual assaults or physical attacks that leave serious physical injuries. No pulses in both arms, one caused iatrogenically BY THE DOCTOR and they REFUSE me the right to ask questions.


A neighbour died in her sleep 2 nights ago and the family are distraught. She was in her 80’s tho’ and I see the sadness in the visitors ‘cos when I pass  the house seems to be full. I don’t want Tom to be ALONE when that happens and THAT IS THE ONLY REASON I fight to stay alive.


I don’t want to die like this.

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