I DONT WANT TO BE ALIVE

I should get “the right level of support” for my “suicidal” thoughts because I said ” Since that time I realise that the so called medical professionals in Neath wish me dead and soon I will honour their wishes. The NHS is assisting, or even insisting that I commit suicide because the Welsh NHS prefer to exonerate a corrupt senior Medical Practitioner at the expense of a NHS Dentist’s career, health and life. (I don’t get ANY support from ANY doctor ™.)

From the latest response from the Welsh Health Minister where she repeated her inability to do anything about Dr Sheepman. This treatment, if it materialises, would be the 5th or 6th time I would have been offered treatment WHEN, apart from the shambles in 1998 which TOTALLY destroyed my life AND STILL WITHOUT AN EXPLANATION.  each time the Mental Health Teams said “I have no discernible mental health componentorI need resolution to the proceedings in 1998, which DID NOT follow standard NHS practice. FOR example why was I sent to a PRIVATE Psychiatric Unit and who paid for my stay?” or “I am depressed, but need resolution.”

AND THE REASON I WISH TO DIE?

THE CONSTANT REMINDERS THAT I USED TO BE A DENTIST. www.mad-dentist.co.uk  and ALL because of Dr Dai Sheepman.

SO how do I avoid a situation like this:

I went to Tescos yesterday when the Welsh International against Australia was being played so that I would hopefully avoid a crowd. and met V*******. She was a patient of mine, in the day, and is now a friend. She asked how I was so I told her about the Compliment slip etc and then about the misdiagnosed heart disease and the lack of BOTH my radial pulses and the response from the phlebotomist. She works in Neath Port Talbot Hospital and we last met when I was having the tri-weekly visits with my warfarin and before my subclavian/carotid bypass.

She countered by saying Dr Dai Sheepman would go to an opening of an envelope if he felt it would further his “career”(tm). She then laughed when she said that he looked like an irritating character in a controversial TV advert by Erik Wernquist a few years ago. I must say that I then laughed as the similarity was astounding.

I asked about her Mum who sadly has had a severe stroke and was now paralysed down her right side and in a home.

I asked if she was married yet and she told me about her new partner. A musician friend of mine that I met when he fractured his jaw in a cycling accident almost 15 years ago. It was a non displaced fracture and treated with a splint. He is a member of a local band that has toured extensively with Elton John on many occasions.

She then asked if I was still playing so I told her about the problems with my LEFT arm and my RIGHT thumb and that I now cannot play guitar OR piano.

I was now almost in tears so got a cuddle and we both continued shopping.

At the checkout the lady asked how I was and if I was OK as I was struggling to control my tears. I told her about the “heart fiasco”, which gained the attention of the many people also queuing. Someone said “you used to be a dentist” and so I explained the misdiagnosis mentioning the Medical Opinion and compliment slip and how I HATED the NHS and how, because of Dr Sheepman, I have had my career and life DESTROYED.

I left feeling all the eyes staring at my back.

I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I wanted to die.

I somehow got home, dumped the shopping, and went straight to bed and cried myself to sleep for a few hours. I awoke with my left arm “tingling” and heart racing.

I always support Australia when they play because my mum was Australian and the result of the match saddened me as it seemed to mirror MY life.   Beaten by Wales as Dr Dai Sheepman AGAIN avoids retribution.

Where is the NHS Constitution in all this?

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From He said I will always be a Dentist and I SAID THAT IS THE FKN PROBLEM ; ……………..I said the NHS is killing me and I will soon have on my person a 4 gig USB Flash Drive marked SUICIDE in BIG letters containing ALL the correspondence etc etc from me and them, uncensored etc. In fact I will have my Website in my Wallet as my suicide note. ++ (Maybe he will hope I will loose it as Government departments, and others,  seem to regularly do these days.)

I told him that if I do not get resolution to ALL my illnesses I will, from Jan 1st 2009 sort out my affairs, sell extraneous crap and prepare for my death.

I said I will accept treatment ON ONE CONDITION that I am listened to when I give MY SYMPTOMS. AND that the CAUSE of my “Mental Patient problems” will be ADDRESSED AND RESOLVED I had to keep asking him if he was still there as he was amazingly quiet. I don’t think he expected me to say all that. I told him that copies of the Med Opinion and compliment slip etc were “by the front door ” as the “reason” for my suicidal thoughts. ………………..

One month to go from Monday.

I chose Jan 1st 2009 as it was 6 weeks to that date when I told NABATO Doc (used to be Nice Doc) the above. The same time scale that in 1998 Dr Dai Sheepman destroyed MY LIFE.

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How much has Dr Dai Sheepman ALREADY cost the NHS as he avoids being truthful? Money that SHOULD be used for TREATMENT. How much more is going to be spent?

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Inconsiderate bosses not only make work stressful, they may also increase the risk of heart disease for their employees, experts believe.

Chief Medical Officer Professor Sir Liam Donaldson explains why he believes the NHS could learn some lessons in customer care.

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5 Responses to “I DONT WANT TO BE ALIVE”

  1. Tony Says:

    Hey Buddy,

    I’m sorry for your situation. But you’ve got to stop feeling so sorry for yourself. You’ve got so much to live for.

    I dont want to offend you. But if you want to see people who deserve to say “I don’t want to be alive” check out the the people in hospitals who have terminal cancer or the children’s cancer ward. They don’t have a choice to live or die. You’ll find that most of the time they actually have very high spirits. If they can live happily then nobody else has an excuse to complain.

    Have a look at some of the third world countries. People don’t even have money to eat.

    Sure it may be the lowest point in your life, but you’ve got the opportunities to do anything. People would give their lives to have the opportunities you have.

    Suck it up buddy. Be strong. Your life isnt as tough as you think it is.

    Im not just talking out of my ass, I’ve hit rock bottom before. The only way is up.

    Tony – a dentist from Australia.

  2. themaddentist Says:

    Thanks for the comments, Chunks

  3. Chunks of Reality Says:

    Just found your blog and am very sad to hear about everything you have been through. It’s a lot and I hope you realize how very strong you are to have been through so very much.

  4. themaddentist Says:

    Hugs much appreciated, Mandy.
    Thanks

    Alyn

  5. Mandy Says:

    Hi MD

    I feel there is so much to say and yet don’t know what to write for the best….without seeming patronising or futile.

    Sometimes, I want to die only I don’t, is that I find living so very difficult. For you to have had your life (as in what it meant to you) taken away and to be faced by the contempt and ignorance of the system that lacks heart is so wrong.

    The more I deal with psychiatrists..as in at meetings, the more I realise that they act like semi scientists and treat mental health problems as if they are …how can I put this..not very well…but as if they are something totally un related to social situations. As if the emotions are not involved. They treat human beings like morons and if they think giving tablets is going to resolve a very complicated set of situations and symptoms that lead to people suffering they are plain stupid (actually they aren’t stupid..they have well paid jobs for prescribing shit) cos really that is all shrinks are…glorified prescribers. Any half wit could sit there with a prescription pad and list of meds and go “Olanzapine is the medication that is recommended for psychosis”. I think the human pysche (and the person as the individual they are) warrants a bit more respect than being treated like that..

    As for being near to tears in Tesco’s. Totally relate. I was walking around my local estate a few weekends back in a state of distress. I went into the newsagent’s and could not stop the tears. The lady there was very kind and asked me if I was alright. Obviously, I wasn’t but said I was because if I told her I wasn’t, I wasn’t sure I would be able to hold enough of myself together to get back home again. Is like once the flood gates open a tsunami bursts forth.

    Am sending you a hug. It might seem twee but if I was with you, and you were in distress, my instinct would be to hug you.

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