I am told to move on AGAIN, seems suicide IS the way, now.

I could not avoid this bitch again in Tesco this morning. AND she asked if I had GROWN UP this time. Seems that cow thinks  that she knows fkn everything. I dropped by trolley and left the store immediately as I was fighting tears. I will never go to that fkn store again. So now I will have to drive 8 miles just to do my shopping.


I had TWO nightmares last night one similar to this one and I woke at 4.18 am in tears. I strolled around the house for a while smoking a cigarette and went back to bed and amazingly fell asleep IMMEDIATELY straight into ANOTHER nightmare that was more chaotic than the first so I woke up fkn crying again. It was 7.20 so I sat downstairs and cried.  I heard my new lodger move upstairs so I left the house.


Yesterday my left arm was feeling strange, pain in the biceps and in the forearm with a numbish sort of feeling in my hand. AND I WAS NOT SITTING DOWN.  I was in B+Q at the time and rested against a pillar for 5 minutes until my heart, which was racing calmed down. I paid and went home straight to bed. I only slept for an hour but felt better when I got up, apart from the numbness in my left arm.


I can’t use my right thumb at all now because of the pain which radiates from where my pulse should be to about 6 inches up the arm. NOWHERE near the supposedly arthritic joint. Typing this is difficult as I keep hitting the space bar with my thumb NO MATTER how hard I try not to.


At least this man had the doctors help him to continue playing his music instrument of choice. My Doctors don’t give a damn. I can’t play PIANO  or GUITAR now because of the pain in my left and right arms. Both of which have NO PULSE. In fact I have difficulty doing most things like brushing my teeth, moving my left arm above my heart, carrying things in either hand, turning  the key in the lock, writing, typing, holding a knife to eat.


A paramedic who told a heart attack patient she was having a panic attack has been struck off.  I am told that ALL my symptoms are due to the way I sit, despite being diagnosed with a heart attack and serious coronary problems. Then this and then this. But then the NHS in Wales say I have had NO heart attack but that I AM SUICIDAL. DESPITE NEVER EVER expressing the wish to die until after Dr K shouted at me for being an ungrateful patient. Read THIS sad story, do I have to die before something is done.


SO I was declared a high risk suicide, then my practice was repossessed and Dr A, the “exemplary” liar/doctor..who organised all this says he cannot remember and the WHOLE OF THE WELSH NHS backs HIM up. AND all ignoring the Medical Opinion and now the Compliment slip.


Read all these, please.


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One Response to “I am told to move on AGAIN, seems suicide IS the way, now.”

  1. Mandy Says:

    Hi there

    I wish I could read all the bits but am too all over the place to stick with them. Mushy peas for brains.

    What I can associate with is dumb fucks who think they are doing you a favour by offering tokenistic words of wisdom (I wouldn’t offload on a child let alone adult) by actually being condiscending, patronising and worse than useless. Circa my care co-ordinator who treats me like I haven’t used my brain ever or run a training department or had to deal with life full stop.

    MH services give out plasters to main artery gashes and then stand there agog when people bleed to death.

    Ranting meself but I wonder whether anyone would notice the difference if MH services actually disappeared. Perhaps all the money the government claim to spend on them could be put to better use.

    As I wrote to a friend. Fekk if they can’t offer me any real help at least they could turn up, give me some chocolate and then bone off again!!!!

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