JUMP! How high will you bounce? Part 1

Cruel mob goad suicide teenager Shaun Dykes into 60 ft death leap.

I went and saw my son today and had a great time BUT the journey home was bad. I usually cry as I drive from him as this could be the last time I see him. Either from my heart giving out or me giving up the fight.

I feel so depressed that I am a bad father…I was thrown out of house and home when he was 10, then banned for a while from seeing him AND THEN 3 days after his 14th birthday I was sent to Heath House Priory, my career destroyed.

I feel a failure  8 O levels, 3 A levels, University degree and a good job….Dentist and then BANG….nothing. What a fkn example I am to Tom. 23 years working for the NHS just discarded as if I was nobody. The NHS have also spent the last 10 years proving, in their own arrogant way, that I AM USELESS,  a waste of time and space. ABSOLUTELY NO THANKS for the 23 years service for them. In fact discarded like dogshit from their shoe.

I  have no ambitions anymore. I used to have passion for music but that’s gone now. I hate getting up in the morning, or even talking to what friends I have left. I don’t see what the point is in anything. Why should I wash? shave? clean the house?

I just dont have any will to keep living. I hate the way I look. I hate my personality. I hate who I am. I avoid mirrors

I’m pushing the few friends I have away  I’ve tried not to do that but I always seem to. So I’ve faked my smiles to keep them happy. but lying to them hurts almost too much. I can’t just isolate myself and disappear.. they wont let me. but I’m tired of this. I don’t even know why I’m posting this on here…

AND all because of this

medical opinion 3 adjusted

all the I thinks, I believes  and the “I have come to the opinion ……that it would be in his interest and the interest of his patients if he would take medical retirement” In either case which meaning of interest did he actually mean? It  also implies I was a possibly negligent Dentist which is libelous.

Definition: Advantage, personal or general; good, regarded as a selfish benefit; profit; benefit.  or: a reason for wanting something done; “for your sake”; “died for the sake of his country”; “in the interest of safety”; “in the common interest”or: be of importance or consequence; “This matters to me!” It certainly mattered to me.

compli1 was attached to the

Medical opinion. NOW WHAT DO I THINK??????

OH YEH

How high will I bounce? Part 1         to be continued, I hope.

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3 Responses to “JUMP! How high will you bounce? Part 1”

  1. Dr Barry L. Marks, DC Says:

    Deb Acle

    You are so right and have first hand experience.

    Sometimes I feel like a lone voice in the wilderness… many of my chiropractor friends would love to be employed by the sate to live cushier lives…the AMA’s position is now Pro National health care…ludicrous!

    When I talk to Canadians and Brits they talk about all the crap and red tape and poor patient care. I didn’t go to school and learn my craft over the past 22 years to have an accountant tell me how to treat a patient. That’s why I don’t belong to any HMO’s. Doctors make medical decisions. Accountants make accounting decisions. They must be separate.

    Hang in there Alyn.

  2. Deb Acle Says:

    Hey, Alyn…you’re really down there. I know you’re worth more than you got, we all know. Barry’s right – Tom needs a dad, and you’re the best dad he could have.

    But, you know also that the NHS sees not worth in any patient. Remember the London hospital that makes £4million a year from covertly selling off the organs of dead patients to rich private patients…? That is exactly all we are – bags of meat, mostly inconvenient expenses but sometimes they find ways to make money out of us.

    Barry – please tell all those Michael Moores over there just how obscene socialised medicine really is. You might have battles against the insurance cos but at least you have laws. We have NO right in law against the NHS.

  3. Dr Barry L. Marks, DC Says:

    I am praying that you will find peace and see that although the NHS sees no worth in you, that you will find the inner drive to understand your true worth. Your son does not need a perfect dad. He does not need a sterling example of a dad.

    He needs A dad.

    He needs someone who cares enough to make contact and have whatever relationship is possible.

    You are worthy. You do matter.

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