My son part 2

        How do I describe how he felt when I disappeared for 6 weeks and then I return with no job, acting strange(because of the medication), falling asleep EVERYWHERE we went? I had become EXTREMELY volatile and shouted and yelled at the least provocation, Rarely (I hope) at him but he heard me scream and yell  twice a week. I used to drive VERY fast in my Audi sports.         I was seeing my sister at the time but my son has said recently he hated her husband and was fed up with being second to her wonderful kids. She had a “me me me me” attitude and never listened to him, ……………. ever ………………….I could see that. I couldn’t talk to her about what was happening and I only went to see her because I was SO lonely and desparate at the time. She however hurt me by saying she wouldn’t interfere and that Dr A “meant well”

         I had had to sell quite a lot of “antiques” my mother had left me in her will  just to survive. My house became quite empty and walking into my sisters house was not very pleasant especially as her damned husband kept asking for the stuff I had left. He wanted them to be given to him. Their house was a copy of my old house as she took the lions share of the antiques and also gave loads away to her friends but without asking me.

          I introduced him to the weird world of Mental Patients. Remember I had been convinced in Hospital THAT I WAS A HIGH RISK SUICIDE by their treatment. My Professional friends ran like scalded cats when I needed support. The local British Dental Association Representative was on the same wavelength as my sister. I was treated with almost an indifference as if they were both  ashamed at HAVING to talk to a “Mad-man” I am sure my now ex-wife didn’t help with labelling me a lunatic. She also kept stopping me seeing him on the 2 days a week I was allowed.

         I had no Counselling or help from Dr A  for 18 months and had all the finances around me collapse. My son  was there when my debit card was refused in Safeways. Many Sundays I couldn’t take him anywhere because I had no money. I remember crying myself to sleep, I could NOT get my head around the thought that I was a suicide risk and I had to fight, as I still do, the thought of “well I might as well commit suicide then” I was angry also from my release because Dr A NEVER once explained what was going on and yet that arrogant man said he “WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME” I received NO help at all from Dr A

        In 2002 my son went to University in Portsmouth. Grandma lived 1/2 mile from where he lived and his mother NEVER went and saw him, (still has has not seen ANY flat he has lived in. ) I saw him initially once a month but when he moved into a flat with a mate I saw him every week and stayed overnight. We went out together and got drunk :>)

       He helped me stay calm but he knew how I really felt as we also talked 2-3 times a week on the telephone for an hour or more at a time. I became quite intolerant of fools as I tried to get ideas together about a complaint against Dr A. So I was sometimes very angry.

      Somedays I would drive all the way from home to his flat (199 miles) and then because of a minor incident (eg Car Park Meter would not take my £1 coin) I would take him to his flat and drive home like a fool having been there maybe 10 minutes. ( I speeding fine and 5 cars yes FIVE in one year. I kept blowing the engines. By now I was on £500 bangers as it was all I could afford. ( Ford Escort RS Turbo, Audi Sports  to an N Reg 1.4 Rover with rust AND bits missing)

What an example I was to my son. Work hard and look what can happen to you.

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